Thoughts from today.

I don’t like swimming. To amend that statement; I like playing around and hanging out in a pool. I hate swimming lessons. I went into this place today the smelled exactly like the hallway leading to my childhood swimming lessons, and all of a sudden those familiar waves of fear washed over me again. I hated it, because I knew they were going to make me dive into the deep end. They called it the ‘beaver dive.’ Back then, I would have been happy if I never did another ‘beaver dive’ again, now I spend every waking hour trying to find a girl to do it with.

Dear Rogue Carpet Cleaners:
Rogue is a stupid name for a carpet cleaning service. “Wait, you didn’t clean these, you got drunk and peed on them… you rogue.” “These carpets are filthy and you fucked my girlfriend… you rogue.” “No I’m not interested in a cutlass duel…” These rogue jokes doing anything for you?

Here’s a good example of how out of touch with reality and history I am. So I was watching this episode of “You Bet Your Life,” and Groucho is asking this contestant about her hobbies. She apparently likes to parachute jump from hot air balloons. She has been doing it since 1908. Now, if you asked me if parachutes existed in 1908 I would have said “no fucking way.” If you asked me the first year people started to parachute for fun, I would have said “probably around 1990.”